The Ghost of You
by Rosy12686
Summary: *Takes place in the tv show rather than the book* This is just a oneshot of what would happen if Hannah's ghost met Clay, and he shows her just how beat up he is about her death; Tony helps him after he gets into a major bike accident. From the author of "What if...", Rosy here! I hope you all like it! Stay tuned for more, if wanted!


**A/N: Rosy here! So, i'm taking a little break from my 13RW fic, "What If". If you guys want, I may continue this. This is just a oneshot fic for now, so tell me what you guys think and if I get enough positive feedback, I can continue it in between writing the "What If" fic. So, let's get started!**

 **The point of views/persons will be changing from Clay to Hannah in this one.**

 **DIS.- Nothing belongs to me**.

Walking to the Crestmont, I see her. "Hey, Hannah." I say, walking through the doors.

She looks up at me. "Hey, Helmet. Today you have bathroom duty-" She says, "I- called the counter."

I shoot her a half smile, nodding. "O-kay…" Finishing our little greeting, I set my backpack on the shelf below the counter. It's just a regular day at work...with Hannah. Taking off my jacket, I feel her eyes piercing through me. I turned around to look at her, but she quickly shifts her gaze. I smiled, walking away to go clean the bathrooms. As soon as I opened the door to the restrooms, the setting changed...to another bathroom, a bathroom I have never seen before. As I looked around, I saw red water flow towards me on the floor. It looked like blood…? I followed the source of where it was coming from. She was in the bathtub. Her lifeless body was floating in the red water. "H-Hannah…" I managed out. "No…no, no, no!" I quickly make my way to her, wrapping my arm behind her neck, propping her head up to look into her eyes. "Hannah, please, don't…" I feel the tears fall from my face. Before I could say anymore, she looks up at me.

"Clay...why didn't you stay? I needed you." I just stared at her, what was I supposed to say? 'Because you told me to leave?'

The tears continued to fall. "This can't be happening...Hannah I -"

"Clay…"

I clench my eyes shut tight, thoughts flowing through my mind. "No, no...I can't do this...:not again, I never wanted this Hannah...Please, please stay with me. Please…"

Suddenly, I hear someone call my name. "Clay, wake up, sweetie."

I opened my eyes. I was in my room. And for some reason, there's sweat pouring from the pores on my body. I felt my pillow and the sheets, they were soaked.

I jumped out of my skin when I heard my mom knocking on my door. "Clay, come on."

"Mom, I'm up, thanks." I said, rolling my eyes.

"Okay sweetie, family breakfast in twenty. Get washed up and come eat."

"Still? With the family breakfast, on a weekend?" I don't know why we're still attempting it. Especially since I haven't been hungry enough to eat lately.

"Yes, you still have to eat on a weekend, honey, especially breakfast."

I sighed, sitting up on my bed. I rubbed my still groggy eyes. "Okay, i'll be down soon."

And with that, I heard her footsteps ascend the staircase.

I looked around my room, shaking my head. I've been having those nightmares a lot lately, and ever since what happened to Hannah, happened, I haven't been doing so well. Considering the fact that I was listening to her voice everyday on the tapes doesn't help either.

I stood up, feeling the rush of cool air against my drenched and warm skin. Sighing, I took the spread off of my bed and started walking down the stairs.

My mom was waiting at the end of the stairs. "Morning, I was just, uh, washing my spread...again." Admittedly, I looked at the ground.

"Clay, honey, this is the second time this week. What's going on with you?"

I shook my head, tossing the fabrics in one hand to the other. "Honestly, mom, I have no idea."

"Oh, sweetie are you having nightmares again?" She asked, putting her hand on my shoulder.

"What? No, mom, I'm fine, honest." I sighed. "It just...Got really warm in my room last night again."

She nodded, but the look of worry didn't vanish. She knew something was up, I could tell, but I didn't need her worrying further. It's bad enough she was already taking on the case.

I continued on with my journey to the laundry room, but before I could, my mom stopped me in my tracks.

"I got it, just - go get ready for breakfast."

Not in the mood to argue with her, I handed her the sheets and pillowcases and ran up the stairs. "Thanks."

I grabbed some clothes and turned my head, seeing the tapes. I shook my head and walked the other way. But then I hear her voice. "Hey, it's Hannah, Hannah Baker."

My head snapped back, hearing that voice, It was heartbreaking. Ignoring it was difficult, but I made my way to the bathroom. Before I could open the door, my mind flashbacked to the nightmare I had. What if I opened that door and Hannah was there, bleeding and in pain? I clenched my eyes shut, not wanting to even think about it, I pushed through the door and got dressed. I combed my hair, seeing the huge gash at the top of my forehead, I lightly touched it and it immediately started to bleed. I scrambled for a band aid and antibiotic cream. "Shit!" I said, rather loudly as everything on the sink fell onto the ground. I could hardly look at blood anymore. Not because I would faint at the sight of it, but because it would remind me of that nightmare, of Hannah. I covered the wound with my hand and held it there. When the bleeding seemed to cease, I smothered it in the medicated cream. Everytime I touched it, I flinched in pain. The pain felt similar to the pain I felt every time I heard Hannah's voice or saw her in my nightmares. I spread the band aid over the gooey spot. Dusting myself off, I went back to my room. I grabbed the box of tapes and shoved them in my backpack.

"Clay! Breakfast is ready!"

I jumped a bit and threw my backpack over my shoulder. "Coming!" I yelled down to her. Shutting the door to my room, I ascended the stairs. Stopping at the bottom, I heard my parents talking.

"No. He was talking in his sleep. He kept saying Hannah's name over and over again. Not only that, but he was crying. I think he knew her more than he -"

I walked slowly to the doorway of the kitchen, causing my mom to stop in her tracks.

"Clay I -" She said.

"No mom, it's fine." I shook my head, "It's…" I sighed. "Fine…"

"Honey, your father and I were thinking...It might be a good idea for you to take on therapy again."

I shook my head. "Mom, I'm fine, really."

"Clay, no you're not. You're my son, I can tell when something's wrong." Her voice began to crack.

"Look, Clay…" My dad cut in. "All we're saying is that you might want to consider -"

"I said i'm fine!" I yelled, unexpectedly, walking out the front door. I didn't need this, not right now.

"Honey, your breakfast -"

"I need to get some air." I mumbled, walking out the door.

I walked down the stairs and grabbed my bike. Hopping on, I rode down the street, hoping to just get away from everything.

I look at the trees as I pass them. Flashbacks had began to flash through my mind. I shut my eyes, but all I could see was her face.

Hannah, what did I do so wrong? I wish I could fix whatever I did…

I opened my eyes, but before I could control my bike, I pulled on the break and my bike flipped. I ran into the trunk of a tree. My face slammed against the rough trunk before I hit the ground.

"Son of a bitch!" I screamed, loud enough that i'm pretty sure I woke up the whole neighborhood. Frustrated, I attempted to stand up, but I was so out of it that I didn't realize my foot had been stuck in between my bike and the tree.

I sat there for a little while, waiting for everything that just took place to catch up to me. And when the pain finally hit me, the tears rushed to my eyes. So much was going on in such little time. It was so hard to keep up with it all.

"God Damn it!" I start to cry. At this point I don't give a shit if I woke anyone up. Because my world was crumbling around me, while everyone else seemed to have perfect and steady ones..

I crawled out from under my bike, trying to stand up, but I couldn't. I grabbed my bike out of anger, and tried to push it away from me. I scoot close to the trunk of the tree, leaning my back against it. I brought my one knee to my chest and laid my head on it, leaving my injured leg sprawled out in the grass. My hands were rested in the grass, I finally let go and begin to cry. Not because of the pain that was throbbing through my leg and foot, but because of everything that was happening all at once.

Sitting there for what seemed to be an hour, I tried to think of how I was going to get home. But no, I didn't want to go home just yet.

With my head down, staring at the green grass, I heard a car drive by. Waiting for it to keep going, it sounded like it started to slow down. I rose my head seeing a familiar red mustang. I let my eyes focus, but because of the crash, my vision was blurry.

I hear someone get out of the car and the door slam shut, quickly. I hear footsteps approaching me as if they were running.

"Clay! What the hell happened, buddy, are you okay?" I hear them say, but for some weird reason, I couldn't bring myself to talk. I feel them kneel down next to me, hearing the grass shift. I closed my eyes tight. I felt like I was dying. "Jesus, Clay, answer me!" The familiar figure and voice lifted my head up by my chin. I squinted my eyes and my vision focused. It was Tony.

"T-Tony I -"

"What the fuck, Clay, what happened? Do you need to go to the hospital? You look like it. You're bleeding pretty fucking bad." He said, but it was hard to move or speak.

I feel him put his hand on my shoulder. "I'm fine, Tony. I think I just...got a concussion or something."

I heard him chuckle a bit. "Seriously? A concussion? Your face is all blood, man."

"W-what?" I asked.

"Look, why don't I give you a ride home and we'll see if it's bad enough for your parents -"

"N-No!"

He looked at me.

"I don't want to go back home right now."

"Clay, you need medical attention."

"No, I don't, Tony. I'm perfectly fine." I said, knowing full well that I wouldn't be able to stand up, but I tried anyway. I held onto the trunk of the tree, struggling to stand on my foot. "Damn it!" I screamed in pain, feeling his eyes on me.

"Here." Tony stood up and grabbed my arm, putting it around him. "Just use me like you would a crutch. I'll be your other leg."

I sighed, holding onto him. He guided me towards his car as I began to hop on my one foot, cringing in pain. Everytime my non- injured foot would land on the ground, I felt a shock of pain vibrate through my body and eventually it reached the other foot. "Shit!"

"It's okay, we're almost to my car." He said.

We finally reached it and he carefully helped me into the front seat. When I was in, he shut my door and walked over, picking up my bike and walking to the back of car to put it in the trunk.

I sat there, looking down at my shirt and seeing blood stains on it. When the pain had caught up, I felt a burning sensation on my face. I pulled down the visor and looked into the mirror. There was another huge gash on the side of my forehead, where my temple was.

'Well, at least I won't have to lie about this one to my parents and tell them what actually happened this time.' I thought.

I pushed the visor up and folded my hands in my lap, looking down at them. Everything was happening so fast I didn't know what was going on. I was confused. Just like I was when Hannah had pushed me away that night.

'Hannah.'

No, that's what caused me to crash, thinking about her. I had to stop myself, but before I knew it, the world was spinning and I began to feel nauseous. Acting quickly, I opened the door and vomited.

When I was done, I wiped my mouth with my sleeve. I slammed the door shut with what strength I had in me and leaned back into the seat.

"Yup, it's a concussion." Tony said, sitting in the driver's seat.

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, too bad it couldn't have been something more serious to put me out of my misery."

"Clay, buddy, don't say that. I'm glad it wasn't." He said.

I sighed, "Yeah, well thanks for helping me out...How did you know I was here?" I asked.

He looked out through the windshield. "I was on my way to Blue Liquor to get some bread, but then I saw you. I thought nothing of it at first, thought you were just sitting under some tree listening to the tapes, but then I saw the way your bike was positioned and realized that maybe i'd better check on you. You looked pretty out of it."

"Yeah, well I was." I replied.

"Mind telling me what happened?" He said looking at me.

I opened my mouth, about to say something but I didn't want to get on the subject of Hannah.

So instead, I just folded my hands and stared down at them.

"Okay, alright." He nodded, putting the car in drive. "Let's just go get you fixed up."

On the way, I felt like I was going to be sick again, but Tony was way ahead of me. Out of the corner of my eye I could see him glance over at me, so he rolled the window down. But I kept my head turned and leaned back against the headrest. I felt like I was going to pass out because my eyes kept automatically fluttering shut. The wind in my ear kept drifting off and then back in. I was in the process of passing out, but I tried my best to fight it.

At some point, I felt like I was drifting away from the world, and in my mind at the time, I thought it would be best. I could put myself in a coma and not have to think about Hannah, the tapes, or deal with the kids at school. I'd be free.

But before that little dream of mine could come true, I felt someone shaking me and yelling.

"Clay, wake up! You have to wake up now, or else you could be thrown into a coma! Wake up for fucks sake!" Tony yelled.

I remember mumbling, unclearly a "Wouldn't it be better? I can hardly live with myself as it is. I killed Hannah Baker."

"Clay, open your Goddamn eyes! I told you, we all killed her, and we can't change what happened. But we can change how we live. So come on, i'll take you inside and get you fixed up. Let's go, buddy." I felt him lift me up. I felt so numb and limp, like I was in a dream, yet laying in bed at the same time.

When he got me sitting sideways out of the car, I opened my eyes a little squinting at the light from the sun. A pang of pain rushed to my head and I groaned loudly. "Son of a bitch…" I said, grabbing at my head.

"Tell me when you're ready." Tony said, holding me up by the waist.

"I'm ready." I mumbled, wrapping my arm around the back of his neck. I stood up, lifting my foot up off of the ground.

"There we go, now, tell me if i'm going to fast." He said.

I sighed, and then nodded in response. I felt so weak and so hurt. Is this how Hannah felt?

"Christ, I feel like an old man." I mumbled, almost incoherently.

Tony looked at me and chuckled.

We finally made it to his garage and his dad already had the door open, which was a good thing. Considering I could hardly stand on my own.

He helped me sit down, and went over to the mini fridge he had. He grabbed me a water and a few ice packs, handing them to me. "Keep them there for a while. But whatever you do don't fall asleep." He said in a serious voice as he pointed his finger at me.

I laughed and being smart with him I shook my head and replied, "What are you, my father?"

"Clay, seriously."

I threw my hand in front of me, looking as if I was drunk or high. "Okay, Tony. I won't fall asleep. Relax." I said.

He nodded to me and handed me a pillow.

I looked at him, my eyes half open. "So what, you just have everything prepared?" I took the pillow, hesitantly.

"Clay, I know you. You're just working through some shit. And i'll be here through it all."

I propped the pillow behind my back and held ice pack on my leg.

Tony ran to the sink in the back and grabbed a few paper towels, running them under the water. He came back, handing them to me to dab my wound with it. I took them from him and dabbed the blood away from my face, unfortunately leaving some stains and traces of it behind on the side of my face.

He stood there watching me in silence. After two minutes, he finally broke it.

"Clay, i'm worried about you."

I looked up at him, shaking my head and shrugging. "What is there to worry about, i'm fine."

He sat across from me in a chair that had its back facing me. He rested his arms on the top of the back rest, nodding. "Sure. If you count the crash, getting hit by a car the other day, you know I really don't think it's safe for you to be riding your -"

"You know what Tony? Screw you." I cut in, unexpectedly. I looked down at my lap. Something was happening to me and I couldn't control it.

He nodded and looked to the side. "O-kay."

"I'm sorry, i'm just..." I looked down, shaking my head, tears coming to my eyes. "I saw her."

"Hannah?" He asked, in suspension.

"Yeah…" I said, a tear sliding down my cheek.

"Well, where?"

"Everytime I close my eyes, Tony. It's like...I was supposed to save her." I shook my head tilted to the ground then looked up at him, my eyes bloodshot. "But I can't. Not now. It's too late." I sighed, trembling. "And, God, I miss her." I shook my head looking up as I blinked the tears away. I nodded and looked at him. "Really fucking bad."

Tony nodded and grabbed something off of the counter. "I know." He walked over to me.

I looked up at him. "But do you? Did you know her like I knew her? Did you love her like I did?" I stopped in my tracks and looked straight ahead, staring into space.

"Clay…"

I looked up at him, his voice bringing me out of my trance. "I mean, I'm losing my shit Tony." I gestured, to my head.

He sighed and nodded. Then handed me a big band aid. "Put this on."

I took it from his hand and opened it up, putting it where the wound was. I tossed the wrappers beside me and held the ice pack to it flinching in pain. I looked down. "How am I supposed to live like this? With this?"

Tony kneeled down and put his hand on my shoulder. "Any way you can. But you have to. For everyone, Clay."

I nodded and looked at the ground beginning to cry.

After a little while of crying, I sighed.

Tony had went out to get my bike. When he brought it in, he hissed. "Yeah, the breaks shot. But no worries, i'll get it fixed in no time."

I nodded, "Thanks, Tony."

He wheeled it over to his work bench and began working his mechanic magic.

After a few hours had passed, the sun was beginning to set.

I found myself slowly drifting off, but quickly perked up when I heard Tony wheeling my bike back over.

"There you go, good as new." He said kicking out the kickstand and setting it there. "Did you want me to drive you home?" He asked.

I looked up at him. "Actually, could you drive me to the playground."

"Well, that's uh, that's a weird request I-"

"No, Tony, I'm on tape 11. I just… need to be anywhere but inside of a house. Or else I start having flashbacks...the flashbacks are what caused me to crash in the first place. I, uh, wasn't paying attention and flipped my bike against the tree...That's how it happened."

Tony began to shake his head in what seemed like disappointment. At first, he seemed out of it when I said what tape I was on. "Holy fuck, Clay."

I nodded, holding the walkman in my pocket.

"I'm surprised you aren't dead." He joked.

"Yeah, me too." I replied. "So, uh, will you?"

"Yes, of course."

"Thanks." I nodded, getting ready to stand up.

Quickly, he ran to my aid and pulled me up by the hand. "Do you think you can walk?" He asked.

I nodded. "I think so." I began to walk, shaking a bit, but nonetheless, I was able to limp to his car.

He carried my bike to the back of the car to put in the trunk. I shut the door and sat there, feeling the trunk shut, I cringed a bit at the pain. He got in and started the car up. He looked at me. "are you sure you have it in you to continue the tapes? I'm not gonna lie, you're pretty fucked up man."

I nodded and looked at my lap. "I'm more then sure. I have to, Tony."

He nodded as well. "I can respect that."

And off we were.

By the time we reached the playground, it was pitch black out.

He pulled up along the side of the street and shut off the car. We both sat there for a bit in silence. But then I had to go on with the tapes. I need to figure out what I did so wrong. Opening the door, as if it hurt to even do that anymore with how weak I was, I flinched in pain. "Ugh…" I said, shaking it off.

"You sure you're gonna be okay?" Tony had asked as I stood up.

I nodded, and without another word I shut the door.

Just before I limped down the hill, he rolled the window down, "I'll be right here if you need me."

"You can just go, if you want to…" I said, feeling like I had been depriving him of going home. "It's been a rough day and all and I don't want to-"

"I think I should stay."

"What? Why? Tony it's fine if you want to go home, I completely understand-"

"Because it's your tape."

I looked at him and he nodded at me as if to say 'it was finally time'. And off I was. I limped, and every time my foot hit the ground it killed me. Just like every time I saw or heard Hannah it killed me, but she was way worse. She was murdering me.

I made my way to the swings and sat there for a bit while the pain in my foot died down a little since I was off of it. And the only thing I could think of was Hannah. I needed to find out the truth of why she did what she did. The truth of what I did to her. I was dying because a huge part of me died when she did. And it was hard to hold on to what little I had left. I was useless, she was gone and there was nothing I could do. But God, did I miss seeing her every day. Working with her at the Crestmont...seeing her at school...and the dance...I just wanted to kiss her right then and there, but then the drama caught up to us and ruined everything. I wish Justin and Bryce wouldn't have started spreading rumours about such an innocent, gorgeous and sweet girl. Then...just maybe none of this would have happened.

I limped up to the swingset, untangling my headphones. When I sat on the familiar swing, I rested my feet on the ground and took a deep breath. I closed my eyes and shook my head while gritting my teeth. I couldn't do this after all this time. I wanted to know what I did to drive a girl to kill herself, but I didn't want to know what I had done so wrong to drive the only girl I love to do such a grave move. I sighed deeply, feeling the tears make their ways back to the familiar spot in my eyes.

I knew what I had to do. So I pressed play.

"I told you about two of the worst decisions I ever made, and the damaged left behind."

Her voice was so hard to listen to and it didn't help that you could feel the hurt in her voice. The tears stayed in the same spot as if something were holding it back, like a damn.

"And the people who got hurt. There is one more story to tell, one more bad decision."

My mind flashes back to the night of Jessica's party. I shake my head, gripping at my head. "No...no, no, no…" I say softly to myself.

"And this one's all on me. No. It wasn't the decision to go to the party."

I feel my whole body tense.

"Because how could I have known that it was the same night...that same awful night. Remember that story I was saving for later? Well, this is it."

I tense up even more, feeling and hearing what she was feeling each time her voice cracked.

"And it's all about you. Clay."

It was hard to hear her say my name. At that exact moment, I began to break down. The tears freely falling. "I really can't do this." I say, sniffling and wiping my tears. After a little while, I heard footsteps in the mulch, which I assumed it was Tony and sat there, staring at the ground, the tears sliding their way down my cheeks and falling to an endless pit of despair.

I felt somebody beside me, as if they were looking at me. Almost watching me cry. I felt embarrassed, so instead of explaining myself, I just stared at the ground. Almost emotionless.

"Clay…" I heard her voice. I looked down at the walkman to see if I had pressed play, but the stop button was still pushed down.

"Oh, am I really going this nuts now?" I say to what I think is Tony. I continued to look down at the walkman. "Now you sound like her, Ton-" I say as I look beside me. I swear to God I was almost shitting my pants. It was her. It was Hannah. And not the flashback kind you are all thinking. It was a faded version of her. And she was sitting there in front of me.

I looked up at her, I tears beginning to fall. "H-Hannah...I-I…"

She just stared at me, and I stared at her, the hurt showing on both of us. She looked as if she was crying too.

"Look…" She says shaking her head and rolling her eyes the way she did when she was upset. "Please, don't be scared. I'm not some sort of figment of your imagination or anything...it's me."

I shook my head in disbelief. "I can't believe it...I never thought I would have made it to this point of insanity...Now i'm hallucinating…" I massaged the bridge of my nose, beginning to cry again.

"No - Clay, Helmet." She says, almost as if she were saying it to torture me.

I looked up at her, my breakdown had ceased. As if saying that name and hearing it from her was the cure. I the last few tears fell from my face as I my elbows propped up against my knees.

"I'm here...please don't cry." Her voice was faint and broken. She reaches over and rests her faded hand on my arm.

I feel the cold air rush past and feel a cold hand right where her's was. I looked down at it and rested my hand where hers was and let it go through hers. "But you're not actually here." I whispered, looking up at her. "And it hurts. Pretty fucking bad." She looked so pale. So ill. I just wanted to care for her again. I wanted to take care of her. But now it was too late. I shook my head the waterworks starting up again. "Why'd you do it?" I felt stupid for asking because I had the tape in my lap. "Hannah, I loved you. For God's sake, I still love you I -"

She cut me off with a low and eerie voice. "Because I was scared. I-I didn't want to live my life with the rumors following me around...the flashbacks...oh god the flashbacks…" She said, beginning to cry.

"Hannah…" I say.

"Look," She says, sniffling. "I screwed up that night at Jessicas party. I was scared you hated me, Clay-"

"But I don't! I never did! I was just angry at the world because Jeff was dead. And...and he was my best friend...And now you...you were and are the only girl i've ever loved as much as I do, Hannah. You...I could see a future with you…" I began to cry again. "And I threw it all away because I didn't stay that night." My voice cracked.

"Clay…" She cried, standing up.

I stared at the ground, afraid to even look her in the eyes.

"I'm so sorry, I-"

I cut her off and nodded. "It's too late for that now…but since you're here, or unless i'm going that insane, I'm sorry for everything I did wrong. I'm sorry for not staying that night, I'm sorry for snapping at you the day after the party at school, I-I'm sorry for being afraid to love you, Hannah…" I looked up at her, tears shedding. My elbows were propped on my knees while my arms reached up and I hid my face in shame.

I felt her eyes piercing through me. For some reason it felt as if she was actually there. It felt like she was giving me that loving look she always gave me when she was alive.

*Hannah's POV*

Walking up to Clay in the playground, I could tell he was on his tape.

"Clay…" I say. At first I think that he can't hear me, but then he spoke. And when he looked up at me, I felt a knife stabbed through me. And not the metaphorical way either. His face….What happened to him? I want to ask but first I have to reassure him that he's not going that crazy.

After he apologized, I began to cry. "No, Clay. It was all me -"

"But I could have helped...I could have taken care of you better, Hannah, I could have loved you." He says, his voice crackling with pain.

I looked at the ground, "And I could have stayed. I should've stayed." I looked at him.

He nodded and then began to shake his head. His face turned red and he began to cry once more, hiding his face again.

"Clay...What happened to you?" I asked, feeling stupid for asking. 'Well uh he may be going crazy after losing you, Hanna.' I thought to myself, almost selfishly.

He looked at me. "I fell apart, Hannah." He gave me the most emotionless eyes i've ever seen out of him, considering that when I was around he would have always been perky.

But no. This was worse. He was pale, bruised and pained, it was obvious. He had wounds on his head, and from what it looked like, his leg was crushed with the way he held onto it and cringed in pain.

"B-but...I thought everyone would have been better without me, I-"

He nodded, folding his hands. "Yeah, well not me…" He attempted to stand, holding onto the swings chain for dear life. I watched him struggle, wishing I could help. When he stood, he was bent over, in pain.

"W-what happened? I...Don't understand…" I watched him limp over to me.

"Well, for starters, the first time I listened to the first tape, I shit myself and was stupid." He sighed looking down. "I got hit by a car...on my bike. Every night I go to sleep thinking about you, and have nightmares. I can hardly think about you without them flashing back through my mind over and over again, thinking of what I could have done to keep you alive…I can't eat without throwing it back up...and I don't have the motivation in myself to even shower…"

That was it. I ruined his life. I stared at him, he stood there having to lean on the metal bar of the swingset every now and again. "Clay...did I...ruin your life?" I asked, the tears falling down my face.

He nodded slightly as if he were thinking about the question. "Hannah, we could have actually had a life together… I can't get you out of my mind...For fuck sake, I flipped my bike into a tree today, I almost put myself in a coma, thinking it would be better if I died too. Because i'm guilty for not loving you like I should have, Hannah…and everyday, it's getting harder to live with myself."

I began to cry. I looked away, as if seeing him in this much pain was causing me to want to die. But hey, I was already dead. I couldn't believe how much pain I have caused this boy and It hurt me, even as i'm dead, to see such a radiant soul as his be ruined forever because of a stupid choice I made. I looked at him again, biting my upper lip. "But you didn't cause me to do it…"

"Then why am I on the tapes!? Because Tony sure as hell won't tell me and neither will any of the kids at school."

"You have to listen for yourself…"

He sighed and threw his hands in the air, in disappointment.

I walked towards him, wrapping my arms around him even if they had seemed to go through him and I whispered, "But please, Clay, i'm begging you out of what's left of my soul. Don't kill yourself, because now i'm starting to regret it..." My voice broke as I turned around, painfully walking away. I started to cry, hoping that I would get to see him again. Maybe when he listened to his tape he would fully understand and then we could carry on with the conversation.

"H-Hannah, wait!" I heard him call out. I turned around and watched him limp to me, the tears falling from his eyes. I felt the warmth of him wrap around me. I almost felt like a solid human being again. I hugged him back as tight as I could to the point where, if I had been human, i would have been crushing him. "I love you, Hannah." His voice cracked as he said it gently and swiftly.

" I love you too, Helmet…and...take care of yourself. I'll be around."

I watched him nod and shoot me a slight smile.

I had hoped that seeing him and talking to him might help him get through the tapes, get through life. I know it may kill him inside a little like it does me, but i'm stuck on this God forsaken planet, and I might as well make the best of it. I half smiled at him as I turned around and walked away, disappearing to my next lonely location. As I did walk away, I felt his eyes on me, like he was staring at me like he used to when he had a crush on me. He may have not noticed that I noticed, but I did.

Because who knows? Maybe, just maybe, i'll be able to see him again. And I know I shouldn't think this way, but maybe he won't be alive at one point. Whether it be old age, like I had hoped, or a natural death, hopefully, I will get to see him again.

"Goodbye for now, helmet." I whispered to myself, disappearing into the darkness completely.

 **A/N: Well, this took me two days. I hadn't known it would take me that long. Gosh, I hope it was good. I don't think it went the way I wanted it to go but It was something I wanted to get out of the way and show Hannah how much Clay has been falling apart over her. Shoot, i'm actually crying. I love them so much, ahhh! Anyway, like I said, I will continue this if needed, just tell me what you guys want / think in the reviews!**

 **Thanks for reading this, and if you want to heal from this, check out my other story, "What If…" It takes place in an alternate timeline where Clay would have stayed there for Hannah that night at Jessica's party and things end up going way differently where Hannah and Clay end up dating and all this sweet juicy stuff, make sure to check it out if you'd like!**

 **See ya around, loves! 3**


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